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The Healing Power of BDSM…

By MistressLolaRuin | February 16, 2020

I’ve long held the opinion that BDSM play can be therapeutic, for both Dommes and submissives. I’ve personally found a majority of my subs find a sense of freedom and healing, through serving a Dominant. I make reference to this a few times throughout my website, and so today I thought I would dedicate a longer blog post to it.

Now, before I delve more into my own thoughts, I feel the need to make something very clear. Recently there have been a spate of mainstream media articles, all discussing BDSM as their therapy. Now, whilst I truly believe that BDSM play can be healing, I do not believe that seeing a Dominatrix should ever be a substitution for actual therapy. This is an important distinction. Let’s take the example of a past traumatic sexual experience. Re-enacting what happened to you in a space where you feel safe and ultimately in control (hello safewords!) can of course be incredibly healing.

However, it will never match up to discussing this at length with a trained psychological professional. Not only is a Dominatrix not qualified to offer this to you, but it would be unfair of you to project that onto them. If you are seriously struggling with your mental health, whilst a seeing a Dominatrix does have the potential to help your mental state, they should be the last on the list of professionals you seek out (with trained, accredited psychotherapists and your doctors being the top). For those of you seeking a therapist, I can highly recommend Pink Therapy where you can specify wanting to see a kink friendly therapist. Now that I’ve make the all important distinction between ‘therapy’ and ‘therapuetic’, let’s delve into the meat of this blog.


Locked Up for Lola Ruin – Part 4…

By MistressLolaRuin | May 16, 2019

Chastity Diary
Day 14

It’s getting towards evening on New Year’s Eve. I’m spending it quietly, and I’ve used it as an opportunity to spend almost the whole day walking around in just my chastity cage. It’s not only more comfortable that way, it also helps to remind me of the state I’ll be in during my session with Mistress Lola (although I haven’t been crawling around on the floor to complete the picture).

There are only three days left before O/our session and apart from dwelling on the frustration of having been denied an orgasm for so long I can also start wondering whether Mistress Lola will allow me to have one, and what price (probably measured in can strokes!) I will have to pay for it. Right now it feels like She wouldn’t even have to remove the cage to provoke me into having a ruined orgasm…


The Idiots Guide to Worshipping Pussy

By MistressLolaRuin | May 3, 2019

I bet if you’re reading this blog post, you’ve watched porn at some point in your life. I’ve defended porn many times in the past. But, there is one aspect of porn which I cannot defend, and that is the serious lack of female sexual pleasure, and especially the depiction of GOOD pussy worship.

Rarely in mainstream pornography do I see a woman being given head, and even less do I see women being given what looks like GOOD head. The general story-line of a porno goes… woman gives head, woman gets a fucking, woman gets cum in her face… the end. You’d be forgiven for thinking based on that, that women need zero warm up for pleasurable sex and that they all find it super easy to orgasm through penetration alone (actually, only 18% of women cum through intercourse)

If you’re a man reading this, and the only research you’ve ever done into pleasuring a woman is drawing on what you’ve seen men doing in mainstream porn movies, then you are FAILING your sexual partner. So, here is an idiot proof guide to pleasuring your woman, peppered with some excellent advice from my twitter followers, which will hopefully give you somewhere to start from…


‘RUIN’ Filmed by Duke

By MistressLolaRuin | April 26, 2019

For those of you who haven’t heard of Duke or seen his work, he produces the most BEAUTIFUL, erotic promotional videos for sex workers. Ever since I saw his first film a few years ago, I knew I would love to work with him.

I decided to finally take the plunge, and book him for a 5 hour video shoot last month.

It began with the spark of an idea I had… A kinky homage to Madonna’s 1990 ‘Justify My Love’ music video, which was so sexually explicit it was banned by MTV. Although tame by today’s standards, it’s scenes of sadomasochism, voyeurism, homosexuality caused quite the stir when it was released in 1990 America. Obviously, it’s worth a watch… 😉


Vanilla Corruption Party 11th May with Mistress Tess

By MistressLolaRuin | April 23, 2019

For the last 4 years, the incredible Mistress Tess has hosted a ‘Vanilla Corruption’ play party… an event where her vanilla girlfriends come along to see the lucky subs attending being played with humiliated and debased for their amusement. The event serves to be a demonstration of BDSM, and this year I am thrilled to have been asked to co-host alongside her, at her fabulous playspace The Alchemy Rooms.

What play happens at the event will depend upon the interests of those who apply, and of course all limits are respected. Previous events have included pet play, sissies, whipping, electro-play, humiliation and strap-on, to give you a flavour of the kind of fun we might have in store for you. The only fetishes that we are unable to indulge in are forced bisexuality, hardsports and orgasms/orgasm control. Beyond that, the possibilities for play are limitless!


Locked up for Lola Ruin, Part 3…

By MistressLolaRuin | March 26, 2019

Chastity Diary
Day 8

As I write this about halfway through the 25th of December, with carols still ringing about the house, I can say that being locked up for Christmas by Mistress Lola is everything I thought it would be. Without any bit of obsequiousness I can say that every picture of Herself – and I do mean every picture – that She posts on Twitter is enough to have me bulging inside my cage. I’m wondering if this is the start of a wonderful seasonal tradition, albeit one that doesn’t lend itself very well to sharing with others. I’m even wondering if I deserve a smaller cage, but that’s a conversation I need to have with my Mistress. Well, “conversation” implies perhaps too much negotiating power on my part, but you take my meaning.

I woke up this morning thinking about Mistress Lola leading me around in public by a leash attached to my cage, which feels a thematically appropriate fantasy, as well as a good place to leave this diary entry.


Locked up for Lola Ruin, Part 2…

By MistressLolaRuin | January 16, 2019

Chastity Diary
Day 4
Another morning of frustrated desire. Because today was one of complete leisure it meant I could spend a couple of hours restlessly in bed, thinking about Mistress Lola and O/our session a few days ago. My bruises are no longer painful, but I still have a few healing cuts to remind me of my caning. I press my face into the pillow and think of worshipping Her bottom. None of this is particularly helpful in dealing with my cock straining inside its cage, but of course this is the perverse joy and the challenge of chastity.

Chastity Diary
Day 5

Other than when travelling home from O/our session this was the first day I’ve worn the cage out in public during this stint of chastity. As always this feels a little perilous, although that might be just a bit of an exhibitionist fantasy talking.



By MistressLolaRuin | January 9, 2019

‘A successful Domme is the picture perfect image of success at all times. Steely, traditional, hardcore and relentless…’

When I first slipped on a pair of thigh highs almost 8 years ago, I learned that the men who came to see Me wanted a strong, powerful Woman. They wanted to place you on a pedestal, and use you like a blank screen they could project their fantasies onto. In order to be a successful Domme, you should curate every little glimpse they see to reflect that ideal. Under no circumstances, should you show any weakness or vulnerability.

For a long time, I believed that would be the only possible fantasy men could buy into, and I had to keep up with those smoke and mirrors.

As time went on and I became to question this ‘Dominant Ideal’ more and more. I wondered whether that was something I even bought into Myself. Not only was I the Dominant, but this was My career… could I make My own rules, and still pay My rent?


Locked up for Lola Ruin, Part 1…

By MistressLolaRuin | January 5, 2019

Chastity Diary
Day 0

Like all O/our sessions this one started with me kneeling naked on the floor of Her chambers, waiting for Mistress Lola. Within a few moments of Her having entered the room I was crouched in front of Her, worshipping Her feet as W/we talked about O/our last session together, and what I’d been thinking about since then.

It’s difficult to describe how much I’ve come to feel at home – as Mistress observed – while kissing Her feet. I can never help exhibiting transparent relish as I get to run my lips over Her instep, Her delicate toes… It always feels so far removed from my time outside O/our sessions, and yet always feels so natural. Even as I write this I can feel my chest swelling with helpless desire.

After a time Mistress stood and beckoned me over Her spanking bench. She was dressed in a purple latex skirt, a section at the back cut out to display Her bottom. I truly can’t describe it or my feelings about it in a way that does justice to either, so it will have to suffice to say that being allowed to worship Mistress Lola’s bottom is perhaps the part of O/our time together I long for and recall most powerfully between sessions, and that skirt in particular is a familiar object of fascination for a reason that I’ll explain in a later entry.


Extended Experiences…

By MistressLolaRuin | October 1, 2018

Imagine: A beautiful, dominant Woman escorts you into Her brand new playspace, and locks you within. Just as She is about to leave, looks you up and down, and smiles wickedly.

From this moment, you will be contained under Her complete control, and only She decides when your time is up. Once that door closes, your ability to make decisions for yourself have ended. All decisions are Hers, Hers alone—And they are final.

This experience can be yours.

Extended Sessions
The opening of My own personal playspace means I am now able to be entertained by slaves for longer than ever before. To celebrate, I am now offering ‘Extended Experiences’ for those brave enough to pursue them.

Are you that special type of slave who craves a taste of real life control in a D/s environment? Perhaps you want to steal a glimpse into what 24/7 might look and feel like? Have you always strived to turn over decision-making to a beautiful woman who knows exactly what to do with that opportunity?

This is a unique, one-time experience that you can fantasise about over a lifetime… or, you can experience it for real.