I bet if you're reading this blog post, you've watched porn at some point in your life. I've defended porn many times in the past. But, there is one aspect of porn which I cannot defend, and that is the serious lack of female sexual pleasure, and especially the depiction of GOOD pussy worship.
Rarely in mainstream pornography do I see a woman being given head, and even less do I see women being given what looks like GOOD head. The general story-line of a porno goes... woman gives head, woman gets a fucking, woman gets cum in her face... the end. You'd be forgiven for thinking based on that, that women need zero warm up for pleasurable sex and that they all find it super easy to orgasm through penetration alone (actually, only 18% of women cum through intercourse)
If you're a man reading this, and the only research you've ever done into pleasuring a woman is drawing on what you've seen men doing in mainstream porn movies, then you are FAILING your sexual partner. So, here is an idiot proof guide to pleasuring your woman, peppered with some excellent advice from my twitter followers, which will hopefully give you somewhere to start from...
A quick disclaimer before we dive in... I don't personally offer pussy worship as part of my sessions. I'm simply writing this for the good of all pussies everywhere 😉
Truly learn to love and WORSHIP pussy
First thing first... you need to learn to gain pleasure JUST from giving it to the woman you're with. And, you need to stop thinking of cunninlingus as a 'warm-up event' to a main act. For the vast majority of women whose pleasure depends on clitoral stimulation, THIS is the most important sex act, and the one most likely to rock her world and give her the earth shattering orgasm she deserves from you.
I'll let you in on a little secret. I used to HATE giving head to my boyfriends when I was a teenager. I felt under pressure to be a fantastic lover, and I was constantly worried I may not be doing it right. Too hard? Too soft? Too slow? Throw into that some hair pulling/forcing my head down onto them (oh HI more moves learned from mainstream porn!), and it was just NOT FUN.
Then, I reframed my thinking. My lovers pleasure was completely in my hands when I gave oral sex, and I was free to focus completely on them. What if I took the time and effort to learn to be good at it? I realised, this was my opportunity to BLOW THEIR MINDS.
It's a real rush, being in complete power of another persons pleasure like that. As most people reading this are probably into kink, it's worth pointing out how giving head can be both a submissive OR a Dominant act. Focusing all your energy on giving your Top complete pleasure. Or, taking your submissive's pleasure completely into your own hands. It works both ways, no matter your kinky orientation.
Focus on Pleasure, not the Goal
Most women give head without any intention of making men orgasm. They do so simply to give them pleasure, and make them feel good. When you go down, do so with the intention of giving her a pleasurable experience from start to finish. If you can make her cum, of course that's fantastic. But for many people, having that as the sole intention can put a lot of pressure on both giver and receiver. Not to mention, there are a multitude of different reasons why a woman may not be able to reach orgasm (medication, stress, menopause...). Whilst I am going to include bringing your woman to orgasm in the following instructions, you should aim to be pleasure-orientated, NOT goal orientated.
This is the mindset you should have when you worship pussy. Your aim is to completely 'let go' into the act of giving. This is your opportunity to become completely lost in the intimacy of exploring her body, discovering what she likes, taking the time to spoil her and focus solely on her pleasure. This is an experience you are sharing with her.
So, before we even begin to talk about techniques, let's delve into female anatomy...
The Anatomy of the Pussy
Quite often wrongly referred to as 'the vagina' (which is actually just the entrance), the 'vulva' is the correct medical term for female genitalia. I am going to refer to it as the pussy, and it's comprised of the following parts...
Mon Pubis - A soft mound of flesh over the pubic bone
Front Commissure - A highly sensitive area where the lips meet with the clitoris
Clitoral Hood - A hood of skin made from the meeting of the lips which covers the highly sensitive clitoral glans in a similar way to a foreskin covering the head of the penis
Clitoral Glans - Also referred to as the 'clitoris' (although it is just the only visible part of a much wider structure). Between 4-7mm large, it contains over 8000 nerve endings and is the only organ in the human body dedicated solely to sexual pleasure.
Frenulum - The inner edges of the labia minora meet to form a highly sensitive area packed with nerve endings.
Urethra - The hole where urine comes from
Labia Minora - Also known as the inner lips, they surround the clitoral glans, urethra and vaginal entrance and are packed with nerve endings and are highly sensitive
Labia Majora - Also known as the outer lips, they are less sensitive than the inner lips and swell with blood during arousal
Vagina - The entrance to the vagina
Fourchette - The bottom meeting point for the lips
Perineum - The space between the fourchette and anus, it has a network of blood and tissues and can be a good area to stimulate
Anus - If you don't know what this is, you really are an idiot... 🙂
When you are worshipping pussy, there are a LOT of hot spots you want to include, but none are more important than the Clitoris. Believe it or not, the full structure of the clitoris wasn't fully discovered until 1998.
The (internal) Anatomy of the Clitoris
Just like the vulva is often wrongly called the vagina, the word 'clitoris' is often used just to describe the 'clitoral glans'. In fact, the full structure of the clitoris is mostly internal, reaching about 7cm in length. The internal strucure is made up of...
Suspensory Ligament - Helps to retract the clitoral glans back when too sensitive and immediately before orgasm
Shaft of Clitoris - Can easily be felt, especially when aroused, and runs upwards under the front commissure towards the mons pubis
Glans - The only visible part of the clitoris
Leg - Also called 'crura', the shaft dives downwards and splits into two legs which run along the path of the labia
G-Spot / Clitoral Cluster - Around 2 inches inside the vaginal entrance on the 'ceiling', a soft spongy like tissue dense with nerve endings and connected to the clitoral network
Bulb of Clitoris - Twin bulbs of erectile tissue which surround the vaginal entrance and engorge with blood when aroused.
The clitoris is the POWERHOUSE of female sexual pleasure, and as you can see, the is actually a much larger organ than the tiny little nub (the glans) you can see and stimulate from the outside. It expands all around the pussy, including deep inside towards the G-Spot, or more accurately named 'clitoral cluster'. The clitoris is the only organ in the human body (female or male) made solely for the purpose of sexual pleasure.
Now you have a general understanding of female anatomy...
Some general DON'TS when it comes to Worshipping Pussy
- DO NOT EVER go in straight for the clitoral glans. There are 8000 nerve endings packed into the glans, which is double the amount in your entire dick. So, imagine your dick being twice as sensitive as it is now, and then imagine all that sensitivity is condensed down into an area only 5mm big. Bearing that in mind, you want to avoid any direct contact until she is seriously warmed up and ready.
- DO NOT use a sharp, pointy, stabby/flicky tongue motion (as seen in porn). That is great for the camera but not great for anything else.
- DO NOT write the alphabet and expect to get her off. Women need consistency and rhythm, and clumsily making your way through your ABC's won't give her either.
- DO NOT dive in with rough passion. The idea here is WORSHIP. That means taking all the time it needs to go slowly and savour every part. If she wants you to spend hours lapping away at her, so be it. You are here to please.
- DO NOT motorboat the pussy. Just no. This is especially irritating if you have any kind of facial hair. We DO NOT want stubble rash.
Finally, before we delve into what you should do, a quick word on...
It would be remiss of me not to say that you should be seeking affirmative, enthusiastic consent from any woman you are with. No matter what your personal thoughts on the #MeToo movement is, it should at the very least have informed you that the vast majority of women are dealing with some kind of sexual trauma, and that you should act accordingly.
Gaining consent in a sexy way is a whole other blog post I'd love to write one day, but for now here's some general guidance on different ways to gain consent from the woman you're hoping to worship.
Every Woman is Different
Whilst below I am going to give some fairly specific advice on how to worship pussy, the best guide will always be the woman you are worshipping. You should keep lines of communication open with her at all times. Prompt her to guide you. Ask her to tell you what feels good for her. Try to read how she reacts to different techniques.
It's unlikely that everything I write here will work for every woman. You're job is to find out specifically what works for her. Every woman is different, and the below tips and tricks are simply a starting point.
Warming up to Pussy Worship
My first tip for giving great head to a woman is to take your time, even BEFORE you begin worshipping. Spend at least 10-15 minutes arousing her before you even think of using your tongue on her. Use long body-length strokes with your hands, deep french kissing, teasing stroking, slowly undressing (but leave her underwear on)...
You want to build up the anticipation. You want her body flooded with feel good chemicals before you even make your way down to pleasuring her. When stimulated, breasts and nipples release oxycotin, the 'cuddling' hormone, increasing sensitivity to touch... so you should be sure to pay attention to them. Always err on the side of gentle until you figure out how she likes it. Listen to her breathing, and let that guide your touch.
After some ample build-up, you can work your way down to worship her. The best position is her lying flat on her back on you on your front between her legs (or, alternatively, knelt on the floor with her resting on the edge of the bed). You should be prepared to spend A LOT of time worshipping her, so get comfortable. Make sure you can easily move both your hands/arms and you have plenty of room to move your face. And for god sake, have clean and well trimmed fingernails. No one wants you scratching their insides.
Even MORE warming up to Pussy Worship
Now she knows you're going to worship her, you want to tease her. Make her ACHE for your mouth. The upper inner thighs are packed with nerve endings, so start there. Plant slow, gentle kisses all over, but no where near her pussy (yet). Treat her to slow, gentle fingertip strokes. Trace your tongue gently along the outside of her underwear. The more anticipation you can build before you touch her pussy, the better.
Then, gentle kisses all over the top of her underwear, beginning at the vagina, working up over the outside lips, then finally over the front commisure/glans area. Combine all of the above with slow, exhales of hot breath. Play with different, gentle sensations. All of this should be INCREDIBLY tender, and you should be savouring every second of it (as will she!).
Now, only AFTER all this build up, should you remove her underwear, and give her what she is now longing for...
The First Lick
Keep in mind the two most important 'Don't' I listed earlier... do not dive straight into attacking the clitoral glans, and do not use a pointy, stabby tongue. You're here as a worshipper, not a woodpecker.
Start with a seriously wet tongue, and press it against the fourchette. Lick the entire length upwards with a flat tongue and gentle pressure. Ease up on that pressure as you pass over the glans, and finish when the tip on your tongue is resting on the front commisure (which will gently stimulate the clitoral shaft hidden just beneath). Then, work your way back down again. GO AS SLOW AS POSSIBLE. You've made her ache for this, so drag out that first lick as long as possible, taking the time to try and enjoy every inch of her.
Building a Rhythm
Now, you want to repeat that 'First Lick' motion over and over again. The idea here is to excite her enough that her clitoral glans become desensitised and ready for more intense attention. After you've done this for a little while, then you can inject some slight variations here and there. Some ideas include...
- Increasing/decreasing the speed, mixing it up, but only very very slightly. Never go fast and aggressive.
- Concentrating your tongue over to the left side, then centre again, then right side.
- Do 'halfway' licks, skipping the upper half of her vulva altogether.
- Using your lips to apply pressure to different parts of her as you lick.
- At the end of a long lick, bring your lips together as though you are 'french kissing' her pussy.
- Resting your tongue still for a few seconds every now and again.
- Combining long licks from the bottom which then 'break contact' with her body for a couple of seconds after you have reached the top.
You want to keep those long, flat tongue licks as your 'main' move, but inject a little bit of unpredictability with the above variations.
As you are doing this, take note... What is she reacting to most? Which moves are making her moan? Does it seem she really doesn't like when you do 'x'? Pay close attention as you lavish her, discounting anything she seems not to like, and including a little more of what she does. Regardless of what she likes, your main focus should be on building a steady rhythm.
Finally, after you've really explored her, you can begin to pay attention to the clitoral glans by gently running your tongue over it as you continue worshipping her entire pussy. If she's enjoying it, begin to pay it more and more focus. If it seems like it's a little too much, go back to stimulating everywhere but, and try again after a few more minutes.
Increasing the Intensity
Once she is suitably warmed up for more intense focus on the clitoral glans, begin to slowly shift the majority of your focus there, gradually spending more and more time and attention on the upper half of her pussy.
Continue with wet, gentle, flat tongue strokes, and then begin to explore some of the variations and see what feels good for her...
- Resting your upper lip on the front commisure, create a 'seal' with your bottom lip and apply flat, wet licks between.
- Play around with licking direction... up and down, side to side, gentle circular motions.
- The frenulum is nerve rich, and may also be worth paying some attention to with your tongue.
- If she is responding well, you might even be able to add some gentle 'suckling' combined with light tongue action
- Apply pressure using your upper lip/gum to the front commisure (which will stimulate the hidden clitoral shaft beneath) whilst your tongue works slow and steady over the clitoral glans.
As before, you want to keep a steady rhythm whilst you explore how she likes to be worshipped, all the while keeping persistent contact with her clitoral glans.
(Not so) Idle Hands
Now that your paying some well deserved attention to the clitoral glans, it's also time to get your hands involved to really up the ante. Begin by teasingly exploring her using either your index finger or your thumb. Gentle strokes along the labia, the fourchette, the vagina and the front commisure are all excellent erogenous zones, especially when combined with licks.
After a little while you can then insert a single finger, just a couple of inches. DO NOT do this roughly or too soon. Take note of how her body responds... did she moan? Did you feel her tighten around your finger? Hold it still there for a few seconds, whilst your mouth and tongue works on the upper half of her vulva. Then, begin to experiment with finger/thumb movements...
- Gently stroke the inner walls of her vagina.
- Experiment with a light 'swirling' motion.
- Move your finger slightly 'in and out', with your palm making contact against her labia on the in stroke, stimulating the clitoral legs/bulbs. Think of this less as 'finger fucking' her (which can feel very clumsy), and more as though you are massaging the ceiling of her vagina.
- Use a free finger/thumb/other hand to apply pressure to her perineum
- Use a free finger/thumb/other hand to tease or gently tease her anus. If she responds well, she may also like you to insert a finger (make sure it's wet, and don't then use that finger anywhere else on her pussy). Always be gentle and ask for her feedback.
- If she is responding well to a single finger, insert a second (index and middle work best, keep them glued together)
- With your palm facing up, curl your finger(s) gently in a 'come hither' motion, massaging the ceiling of her vagina.When you do the last thing on this list, you might notice a small, spongy bump of tissue...
The G-Spot / Clitoral Cluster
You've probably heard of a G-Spot, which makes it sound like a 'separate' hot spot of pleasure, when in fact it is more accurately described as a 'Clitoral Cluster'... a bundle of nerves directly linked to the internal structure of the clitoris.
If you have truly taken your time to really arouse every part of her, it should be engorged and fairly easy to find. You do not want to 'hammer' away at it, rather apply firm pressure, using the 'come hither' motion to massage her clitoris from the inside out, or gentle circular motions.
So now, you've played around and experimented, and you have gradually given her more and more of what she has responded to until shes able to take some more intense attention on both the clitoral glans AND clitoral cluster. At this point, you're probably applying firm pressure using your fingers inside her, and your tongue is gently swirling over her clitoral glans.
Now, you want to UP the pressure on her clitoral glans. Increase it bit by bit, going from gentle to firm, using your upper lip/gum to also apply pressure to the front commisure as you do. This is not a case of going faster or increasing speed. Whichever way she enjoyed your tongue earlier (up and down/side to side/circular), do that now but with more pressure.
Slow and steady wins the race here boys. You do NOT need to go rampantly fast. Keeping a steady rhythm and increasing pressure is the key.
As you do this, look out for signs of...
- Increased, deepening breath
- Feeling her get hotter/heart racing
- A tightening of the abdominal muscles
- A 'tensing up' of all her muscles
- A tightenting/pulsing of her vagina
- Her clitoral glans 'retracting' underneath the clitoral hood
All of which are clues that she is approaching...
The Pussy Worship Orgasm
When you notice the above signs, all the sexual tension you have spent so long building is about to explode. What is most important here is to retain focus. Keep doing EXACTLY as you are doing. Be consistent and persistent. Do not speed up and DO NOT change what you are doing. Even if your face feels like it might fall off, it will be for a good cause 😉
Not all that long after, you should be able to feel her orgasm against you. At this point, keep DIRECT contact with her as much as possible. Keeping the same rhythm will help to prolong her orgasm. You should be able to feel this most around your fingers as her pelvic floor muscles squeeze you in short bursts. Most womens orgasms last around 10 - 20 seconds, and you need to keep up the pace this entire time.
Once you feel her start to slow and relax, then you should immediately relieve the pressure on her clitoral glans (if she hasn't already pushed you away!). For most women, this becomes outrageously sensitive right after orgasm, so you need to pay attention to her and ease off as she floats back down from the incredible orgasm your mouth just gave her.
Multiple Pussy Worship Orgasms
Most women are capable of multiple orgasms, so why stop at just 1 orgasm? Unlike men who need a refractory period, women are pretty much ready to begin all over again straight away. Go back to your 'warming up' techniques, being careful once again to avoid the clitoral glans whilst she takes a few minutes to cool down.
The second time around you'll be able to work through the process above more quickly as she is already well warmed up AND you know what she likes and what works... so, enjoy lavishing even more pleasure on her.
A Quick Pussy Worship Recap
- Have the right mindset. You are here to WORSHIP and adore her, and be pleasure orientated not goal orientated.
- Gain affirmative, enthusiastic consent.
- Spend 10-15 minutes kissing, stroking and arousing her. Build up the anticipation.
- Take your time to savour every part of her pussy, teasing her with your mouth to explore her inner thighs/over her underwear and avoiding the clitoral glans.
- Begin with long, slow, wet and flat licks.
- Build up a steady rhythm, and vary it only very occasionally, just enough so it's unpredictable.
- Gradually begin to pay more and more attention to the clitoral glans.
- Use your hands/fingers/thumbs as your mouth concentrates on the upper half of her pussy.
- Keep experimenting, and see what she likes!
- Focus in on what is working for her, generally applying firm pressure to the G-Spot/Clitoral Cluster with your fingers and gentle pressure on the head of her clitoris with both your lips and tongue.
- Increase the pressure, and stay consistent. Do not alter speed or technique when you can tell it's working.
- Keep going until she orgasms, and keep in contact with her until you start to feel her 'ease off'.
- Following the pace of her body, reduce pressure on the head of her clitoris and slow down all movements.
- Go back to step 4 and repeat until she begs you stop or you put her in a coma.
So, there you go boys. A foolproof guide to the most important parts of a womans pussy, and how to worship them correctly. However, if you REALLY want to be great at pussy worship, there are countless other articles, books, instructional videos and entire websites dedicated solely to female sexual pleasure. GO FORTH AND FIND THEM!
I'll leave you finally with this hilarious video, just in case you need a little more guidance on how to know whether you are doing it right or not...