I recently read this article, and have been inspired (/incensed?) to respond here on My blog…
Porn warps culture. I hope credit-card checks nudge adults out of the habit
by Christina Patterson
Firstly, let Me say that although I (currently) only make non-nude, fetish/FemDom content, I stand in solidarity with ALL porn performers. I very much class Myself as both a sex worker and a pornographer. All of us in the industry are subject to a society which simultaneously consumes the content we produce, whilst also criminalising us and stigmatising us for producing it. Let Me also say, that I have mixed feelings about the digital economy bill. For those unaware, the bill will require age verification on all pornographic content. Websites which refuse to comply will be blocked in the UK. This may well include My website, which you’re reading this blog on right now.
I have yet to read any real, unbiased study stating that children are negatively affected by viewing pornography. But, I also don’t believe that a lack of such evidence means porn is good for children to be viewing. If anyone can point Me in the direction of any such studies, then I would love to hear from you…
Although it will negatively impact Me and My business, I agree with the idea that porn should probably be less accessible to children. But… I also believe that blocking websites and other such censorship is a violation of liberty. As so eloquently put by activists such as Pandora Blake and Myles Jackson, porn is the ‘canary in the coalmine’ of free speech. Censorship of porn may well be the thin end of the wedge… What might our government decide we shouldn’t be viewing next?
I feel somewhat personally ‘protective’ over porn. Not simply because I make it, but because I believe it has had a positive impact on Me and My sexuality. I have spent the majority of the past few years either single or in long distance partnerships. Porn has helped Me explore and enjoy My sexuality without needing to resort to casual sex with near strangers. Porn helped Me to understand My body and how it responds to pleasure. It has taught Me how to make Myself orgasm more easily, and how to then better instruct My lovers. The sex I have with partners is better and healthier as a result of masturbation, which has been aided in part by pornography (and My hitachi wand 🙂 )
So, now you know a little more about My own perspective, let’s dive into this terrible article together.
Christina Patterson makes sweeping assumptions that children copy what they see in porn. That porn teaches them to disregard consent. That children believe violence and screaming are a normal part of sex. That sexual harassment in schools is becoming ever more normalised by porn. That children are being stripped of their childhoods.
This is presented with NO evidence at all (unless you count those unnamed ‘expert witnesses’), but I’ll bite anyway.
It may well be that children are copying what they see in porn. That they now believe screaming or violence is a normal part of it. That they are disregarding consent as a result. But in the absence of any real sex education telling them otherwise, where else do you expect children to learn about this?
It’s also worth noting, whilst on the topic of violence in pornography, that there’s actually much than you might initially think. This article by Psychology Today (debunking a study claiming 88% of porn shows violence against women) looks across 5 peer review studies. They found violence against women in 2%-36% of porn. The difference between these studies findings is generally a result of what the researchers constitute as ‘violence’. That study that found only 2% of pornography showing violence against women? That was the only study which didn’t class consensual BDSM as violence.
I was a female school child before the age of the internet, and I suffered sexual harassment at school. Most of My female friends did too… this is, sadly, hardly a new phenomenon. I don’t want to make light of a serious issue, and I accept perhaps porn is now contributing to a hypersexualised culture, but this problem already existed long before hardcore pornography was so readily available. Blaming porn entirely is just scapegoating.
For Me, it’s clear that there is a huge failure in our education system. For some reason completely unknown to Me, there seems to be a moral outrage at giving our children anything more than the bare minimum in reproductive biology. God forbid they might go on to make informed choices about their bodies, their sex lives or their relationships in the future…
Patterson quite boldly claims that ‘porn warps’. She states that PornHubs most popular search terms of ‘crying in pain’, ‘extreme brutal gangbang’, ‘sleep assault’, ‘step mum’ and ‘teen’ as her evidence.
Here are the actual most searched terms reported by PornHub in the UK last year…
‘Step Mum’ comes in at #5, and ‘Teen’ is the second most popular category. The far more inflammatory and violent search terms of ‘crying in pain’, ‘extreme brutal gangbang’ and ‘sleep assault’ are funnily enough nowhere to be seen. I guess reporting the truth (that people like watching sexy videos of massages and british chavs) just doesn’t quite paint the panicked picture Patterson would like.
Under the digital economy bill, you may to need to jump through a few hoops to get your porn. You may be asked for credit card details and charged a small fee. You’ll be leaving a bigger ‘porn footprint’ as a result. Patterson especially relishes in how this might show up on bank statements and be seen ‘by wives’.
Not only does this insinuate that only men consume pornography (untrue), but it also ignores some more dangerous personal implications. Imagine how homophobic parents of a 19 year old teen might react if they see a bank statement with a payment to a gay pornography website? Or how highly conservative parents might react to their adult child’s subscription to a kink or trans website?
Patterson claims that she doubts people who consume porn remain loving partners and pillars of society. I am both a producer and consumer of pornography. By Pattersons standards, that probably makes Me the lowest of the low. The reality is a different picture. I am a very loving partner, not only in My personal life, but to My paying submissives. Open communication and consent is at the forefront of every interaction I have, sexual or paid. I take every opportunity to educate about consent, if I feel education is needed.
I am not sure many people would class Me as a ‘pillar of society’, but I am certainly not a menace to it. As I get paid well for My work, I have been blessed to be able to financially, physically and emotionally support My parents through My dads illness, as well as support past partners/friends through tough times when they might have otherwise fallen through the cracks of this ‘society’ Patterson cares so much about. I get lots of free time, and I spend some of that volunteering with a charity which works to support some of the most vulnerable women in My city. Maybe it’s irrelevant, but I also paid more taxes in 2014 than Facebook (like many Pro-Dommes I imagine). But hey, fuck all that, because every now and again I like to watch sexy videos.
I don’t say any of that to win any accolades. Almost everyone I know, including My own fans, are loving, kind and generous people. They care deeply about the people around them and about society as a whole. The fact they like to get their rocks off to porn on occasion doesn’t make them monsters. To shame the viewers of pornography and paint them as demons to society is both wrong and disgusting.
Patterson says the internet inventor Tim-Berners-Lee probably didn’t dream of a wild west that would do us so much harm, and that she can’t wait for the day when we’re all a little bit less free. Funnily enough, when the ‘porn filters’ came out back in 2013, they didn’t just block adult content. They also blocked informative sex education websites aimed at teenagers, such as the charity Brook. Support websites written specifically for lesbians, gays, trans, queer and intersex people were also blocked. They even blocked NHS pages aimed at providing teenagers with sexual health education. That doesn’t much sound to Me like the ‘open platform that would allow everyone, everywhere, to share information, access opportunities, and collaborate across geographic and cultural boundaries’ that Tim Berners-Lee imagined either.
What Patterson conveniently and crucially misses out from the NSPCC report her article is founded on is the following…
“Children and young people want information, advice and support about porn that is suitable for different ages and genders. They want to be able to easily get safe, reliable and private information that is fun and relevant to them”
My advice to those with Christina Pattersons view is this… how about instead of spending all that time and energy scapegoating pornography, and decrying all pornographers and porn consumers as degenerates, you start campaigning for real, innovative and comprehensive sex education to be mandatory in our schools? Because honestly, without that, what other frame of reference have children got for sex other than porn? The digital economy bill may well stop kids stumbling across porn accidentally. But it won’t stop them searching for it using VPN’s because they have no other information about sex to learn from.
I can only imagine how much happier and healthier we would all be if we had been given real sex education.
Imagine sex education classes for our children which don’t just teach about biology, but help children to learn about their relationships to other people and to their own bodies. How important it is to recognise and set your own boundaries, and to respect other peoples. Teach them all about the nuances of consent, and give them tools on how to navigate it. Certainly teach them about the risks of STI/STD’s, but also teach them about the unfair stigma attached to many of them. Give them advice about contraception which will protect them, and the importance of regular STI testing and cervical screenings. Teach young women they shouldn’t feel shame about their sexual desires or their bodies. Teach young men to respect women, and to embrace and vocalise their emotions. Have them learn about the entire spectrum of alternative sexuality. Teach them that falling under the LBTQIA+ umbrella is both normal and natural. Give them resources for further support if they need it.
And, perhaps most importantly to people like Patterson, teach children that porn is a fantasy made by and for consenting adults. That sometimes, what we see in porn is not what is most pleasurable. It’s about what looks best for the camera. That porn often bears as little resemblance to real life sex as the latest Quentin Tarantino film bears to real life in general. I know for a fact how much I would have personally benefited from such an education.
I am hopeful, but sadly I think we are a long way off this being the reality.
Advocating for proper sex education, instead of inciting moral panic, just wouldn’t get as many clicks through to the Guardians website…
Until next time,
As a little backstory to this blog, those of you who follow Me on twitter will have seen I have recently been the subject of harassment. I use recently as a loose term, as this person in question has been hounding Me for well over a year. He has contacted Me through My website, My niteflirt account, My email, and now Twitter. He has also tried to canvass over Dommes and even My submissives. The backstory is that I was briefly in discussion with him regarding a custom clip he wanted, with Me starring as a submissive. I turned him down, as what he wanted was well beyond My comfort limits. It has, however, inspired Me to write this. I thought you loyal readers may find it interesting to hear of My limited experience in your shoes.
I have never been a natural submissive. When I first discovered BDSM with My ex-partner in My early 20’s, he identified solely as submissive, and this suited Me perfectly. It allowed Me to really explore and develop My style as a Domme (which has continued to evolve throughout My career). One night, being the adventurous couple W/we were, we decided to attempt switching. He put My legs in a binder, tied My hands up and behind My head and slipped a blindfold on Me. 30 seconds later, if that, I safeworded. An overwhelming sense of claustrophobia struck Me. We didn’t ever try switching again.
My ex-partner and I parted ways a few years after that, and I began to explore My sexuality as a single person. I decided that I would try to avoid dating anyone who identified solely as submissive. Topping at both work and at home was burning Me out. As you can imagine though, when you are so open about being a Dominatrix, attracting partners who aren’t submissive can be somewhat difficult 🙂
I thought that perhaps I would try submission again, now a few years after My last attempt. I find shibari both artistic and relaxing, so I’ve quite enjoyed being tied up a few times. During My trip to Thailand last year I took part in a 6 hour long, meditative shibari session. Although good experiences, these were really lacking of any D/s dynamic.
I also dabbled with a couple of casual partners who indulged My desire to try subbing. I’ve probably tried it four or five times total. To be completely honest, I spent most occasions (silently) critiquing technique and comparing it to what I would do…! Sadly, it is difficult not to when you are submitting to someone much less experienced at Topping than you are.
My desire to have a more successful, enjoyable attempt grew. You’ll often hear people categorise the submissives of Pro-Dommes as powerful, Type-A, business types, looking for release from their high pressure lives (although I’m of the opinion that the high tributes Us Dommes demand may well make that a biased sample!). My work was becoming more demanding each year. More and more men were submitting to My every whim and paying Me for the privilege. Psychologically, the idea of giving up control to someone else was becoming more and more attractive, as it was in stark contrast to the rest of My life. Like My type-A subs, I started to see such an experience as ‘freeing’.
Then last year I had a potential submissive contact Me asking for a ‘switch’ session, whereby I would sub to him for the first half, before getting My own back as a Top the second half. The activities he wanted to explore with Me as a submissive were all fairly soft and within My limits, so I agreed. It sounded like a fun session.
Afterwards, I received an email from the same person, saying that he felt much more naturally Dom than he anticipated, and would I consider doing a purely submissive session. As I had already seen him in a switch capacity, and knew his style of Topping suited Me, I said yes. The prospect of exploring submission excited Me. We embarked on a lengthy email conversation, discussing each and every possible activity. I had to think long and hard about what I was willing to do, what I was willing to try, and what I absolutely would not do under any circumstances. His interests aligned perfectly with My limits, and I agreed to ‘tutor’ him in certain activities so he would know how to do it safely.
We embarked on a series of sessions with Me as the submissive. I was spanked and whipped. Given homework and cleaning tasks. I had hot wax poured over Me, and cold glasses of water thrown over Me. Bound with rope, I tried ‘predicament bondage’. I took the cane. My sessions as a submissive explored lots of other things too, but I won’t go into too much detail here out of respect and discretion for My Dom. Plus, I’d like to leave your imaginations running a little 😉
I found a new understanding of what it was like to submit to someone without there being a more sexual aspect to it. It was an interesting experience, being paid to partake in a non-sexual, purely D/s relationship. There were times where I felt this wonderful urge to be good submissive and please My Dominant. There were also times where I found submitting very difficult. I felt somewhat conflicted about accepting payment for something which, at certain points, I did not enjoy. It seemed very much against My work ethos.
Our sessions eventually came to a mutual end. During O/our last session, I felt as though a boundary was crossed (albeit in a minor way). I safeworded, W/we discussed it, and he apologised profusely. Even so, this dampened My trust in My Top. Along with occasionally feeling conflicted about O/our sessions, after that incident I decided that I would likely turn down a future session if He asked for one, but he didn’t book in again after that anyway. I think by that point W/we had both gotten all that W/we could from O/our sessions together.
I never advertised that I was doing submissive sessions, and I still don’t. To Me, O/our dynamic felt like a one-off. We had spent so much time negotiating limits and that had built up a certain amount of trust between U/us. I also quite firmly believe that My low pain threshold generally makes Me an unsuitable professional submissive. Obviously submissives charge even more than Dominatrixes. I felt like the majority of those looking for a professional submissive would likely want to explore much harder activities than I am comfortable with.
Do I feel as though My few experiences as a submissive has made Me a better Top? Honestly… not really. I gained a little more understanding of Myself, and I gained a little bit of insight into what it is like for My submissives to visit Me, but I don’t believe you need to have been a submissive to be a good Domme. To My mind, what makes a great Domme more than experience as a submissive is empathy. When I am caning a submissive, I am doing so whilst reading their body language, checking in verbally if needed, imagining how it feels for them (and obviously enjoying Myself!). I rarely think back to when I took it Myself.
Being on the receiving end of the cane did not teach Me how to administer a caning either empathetically OR safely. Years of practise fuelled by enjoyment did.
With regards to subbing in the future, I would still like to find someone I could explore submitting with on a personal, perhaps more sexual level. I’m adventurous, and I like experimenting. But, I imagine they would have to be pretty special for it to work judging by all My past experiences… I continue to be a very fussy submissive 🙂
Until next time,
A very quick announcement today to say that Myself and Mistress Foxx are now offering our infamous Double Domme sessions at a special rate throughout the month of June and July.
We are accepting Double Domme sessions every Monday and Wednesday.
For first time submissives, We are offering a 10% discount. Any subsequent sessions will receive a 20% discount.
As of August 1st, Our tribute will return to usual.
Our styles of Domination are different but complimentary to each other. I love to lull My submissives into a false sense of security with My playful and sensual style. Mistress Foxx relishes in quickly snapping you back to reality with Her exacting and strict Domination. You can imagine how this good cop/bad cop routine plays out in Our sessions… a total mind fuck for you, and immense amusement for Us!
Although Mistress Foxx and I have differing styles, We have one fundamental thing in common… We approach Our sessions with the aim of having fun (albeit occasionally at your expense!). Our enjoyment of co-topping is underpinned by Our friendship, which adds a particular dynamic to Our doubles.
Have ever fantasied about being at the mercy of a couple of close girlfriends? Amusing them, serving them and ultimately being a toy for their bitchy games? Then you no doubt already understand how such a dynamic can add a certain je ne sais quoi to play.
To enquire, get in touch with Me here.
Until next time,
I recently did another Q&A on Twitter, and so have picked My favourite questions to answer below. Hopefully you will enjoy getting to see a slightly different side to Me through My answers (and for those of you who just come here for a perv, I’ve included plenty of eye candy to appease you lot too)…
Do you think a mistress should ever apologise to their submissive, for any reason?
If a Mistress has done something which warrants an apology to their submissive then I believe without a doubt that they should give it. A violation of a hard limit or consent is what immediately springs to mind for Me as an obvious example. Yes I am Dominant, and yes I am Superior, but My submissives are still human. They are still deserving of My care and respect for their boundaries both in and outside of play.I personally really dislike the idea that a ‘real Domme’ would never show caring for their submissive. Never showing compassion to your slaves is the opposite of My ethos. I would also be wary of a submissive who thought less of a Domme for apologising. If you believe yourself to be so worthless you are undeserving of a (warranted) apology, then of what worth can you possibly be to a Dominant?I would say to My fellow Dommes to never feel reluctant to apologise if you have wronged your submissive. And to submissives, I would say that a Domme who apologies to you is a Domme who sees your submission as the gift that it is.
What are your techniques for cuckolding?
I am a lover of cuckolding, and there are so many aspects to it (as is true of so many fetishes). It follows that the techniques I use depends entirely on the submissive, and which aspects of cuckolding specifically work best within O/our dynamic. Do they love the idea of being humiliated for not being man enough to fuck Me? Perhaps then I will spit in their face and command them to lick My feet whilst My lover pleases Me properly. Perhaps they enjoy the denial and frustration of seeing another man satisfy Me? Maybe I will lock them away in a chastity device throughout so that they can’t even pleasure themselves. Perhaps their fetish has a financial twist? Then I might allow them to buy Me expensive lingerie and have them watch whilst My stud peels it off Me. Personally, I think these are all equally hot scenarios.
A little snapshot for the cucks amongst you…
How insanely sexy do you look in a GP5 gasmask?
Sadly I can neither confirm nor deny seeing as I don’t have one! I do rock a military hat though…
What does being owned mean and what does it mean the slave has to do?
Being owned is not a privilege I hand out lightly to any and every slave who serves Me. It means they have pleased Me enough to earn it. It means that they have demonstrated over months or even years their devotion to Me. That they are obedient, devoted, subservient, eager to please and eager push their boundaries (within reason) in order to make Me happy.Usually, it also means that O/our dynamic has also grown and evolved into more ‘personal’ servitude. Whilst they may still come for their professional play sessions, they also dedicate time to helping make My life easier… whether that be doing administration for Me, or pet sitting, or cleaning, or chauffeuring. They dedicate time and energy to doing chores for Me which are non-sexual but which help make My life easier and more pleasurable. These submissives have earned the privilege to wear My collar, and are My most valuable and cherished slaves.
Have you got a marking or tattoo that you make loyal slaves who are genuine get to show your ownership?
When you collar a slave is it padlocked so can only be removed by you?
I have only ever had a slave tattooed once. We discussed together what marking W/we wanted, and decided on a bow which matched My own tattoos along with My initials, above his cock. It was a very special day trip W/we took, and seemed a fitting symbol of his devotion to Me and My ownership of him.With regards to the collar, in play sessions I use a padlocked traditional ‘leather’ collar. However, usually when I collar a slave as a symbol of ownership I choose a discreet collar, which means they can then wear it all the time. This is still locked, but generally doesn’t have an obvious padlock.
A few of My tattoos, which some of you may not have ever seen…
Do You like keeping your professional life and personal life separate?
To a certain extent, yes, although there is some crossover. I am fortunate that I’m able to be open with those in My personal life about My work. I have a few kinky friends and of course lovers who I play with. A few slaves I trust enough are also allowed to serve Me in My personal life. However, I learned very early on in My career as a Dominatrix how difficult it can be if you burn yourself out by letting your professional life take precedence over your personal.Now I am fairly strict with Myself not to work too much. I make sure that I take ample time out every weekend to relax. I take long baths, do yoga and spend time with My nearest and dearest. My work phone gets turned off on Friday evening and I ignore My emails until Monday rolls around. Keeping a good work/life balance makes Me healthier and happier both at home and in the dungeon 😊
What’s your favourite type of latex outfit to wear?
I currently have a collection which takes up an entire side of My double wardrobe! But My all time favourite piece is My House of Harlot corseted catsuit…
Maybe too personal a topic, but I wonder why you do vanilla dating?
I often ask Myself that same question too! 😊 The truth however is that all of My relationships with people who strongly identify as submissive have failed spectacularly. Domming professionally is incredibly draining. The last thing I want or need is to come home and feel like My time connecting with a partner feels like being at work. Just like a mismatch in sex drives can cause a relationship to fall apart, so can a mismatch in the amount of kink you each want/need. It’s hard for Me to reject a partners advances because I am too tired after a long day at work. And, it must be equally hard for My partner to hear that when they know I have been doing what they want all day long with other people. Having said that, I do prefer to date people who identify as kinky. I enjoy topping My partners occasionally, and I enjoy having experimental sex. I also want My partners to understand an support My career choice. I’m very upfront about what I do for a living, and I’ll admit that vanilla dating can get really difficult and weird when you throw the fact you are also a sex worker into the mix! Having said all that though, don’t feel too terrible for Me. I do have a partner and lovers who I get to spend time with and who respect My boundaries. But, as I’m non-monogamous My dating adventures (/misadventures) will likely continue for the rest of My life.I could probably write an entire blog detailing the difficulties of navigating dating as a Dominatrix who practices polyamory, so maybe I will… next time 😉
As promised in My previous blog, a recent slave of Mine who came to serve Me for a full 24 hours has written something for Me to share with you all. More than just simply a ‘testimonial’, this reads like an erotic story reflecting on his experiences as My submissive. Of course, I have included some eye candy I snapped during O/our session. I hope you enjoy reading it…
Mistress enters the room, she is pure perfection, dressed to kill, her every curve amplified by the clinging and yet elegant outfit. Her glowing hair cascades over her shoulders. Her heels are loud and commanding as she strides towards your naked, exposed being.
She’s aware of your heated gaze, reprimands and blindfolds you. Mistress glides around you instructing you to raise a hand or spread a leg to be cuffed. The brush of her hair or touch of a hand to your skin is electrifying; the aura of her sexuality encompasses her. You are already hers, ready to melt into the ground at her feet. Some Dommes exude a certain malevolence that’s intoxicating to a hardened masochist. Mistress does not exude evil. However, as in the 1965 movie “She” Ursula Andress has total control of all around her without raising a finger. If you could see you would observe the aura of mischievous sexuality glowing from her eyes, through her enigmatic smile, to her entire being.
She confirms this with a twist of a nipple that roars down your nerves directly to your genitalia.
Following what can only be described as a warm up, standing, arms raised, legs spread wide and vulnerable, Mistress releases you and after stretching your limbs, you are hooded or gagged and blindfolded. She commands you to lie prone on her bench and with cuffs, mitts, rope, straps, spreaders and chain making sure that you are totally exposed, ready to become the object that she chooses to torment, arouse, hurt and control as she pleases.
The heavy leather hood blocks even the smallest light, you have some hearing, but nothing is clear and Mistress restricts or allows muffled speech as she chooses. Your very breath can be taken away by her hand laid over the hood. As you contemplate your predicament and breathe deep every other sense comes alive in your being. The slightest touch or breath as Mistress works to make sure you are one hundred percent exposed and helpless arouses you even further. The odd chuckle or word makes it clear that she’s thoroughly enjoying every moment and builds the scene for what’s to follow.
Once satisfied with her preparation, the torment builds as she alternates between a gloved hand caressing a nipple and a nail or sharp object abusing the reddened swelling protrusion. Between the light touch of a hand, brush of her hair and or a soft scarf the tension heightens as clamps are applied to delicate parts of your anatomy. While you breathe deeply and savour the endorphins rushing through the highways within your body she’s attaching you don’t know what to your cock and balls. Straps or cord tighten around them as your penis twitches constantly loving the attention and begging for more.
Gradually you become aware of a pulsing sensation from behind your testicles to the tip of your penis. Now you know what she was up to the last few minutes. Tormenting you between your legs, on your genitalia, nipples and elsewhere with spiky objects intensifies your arousal tenfold. Your Goddess is clearly enjoying herself, every time your tormented body parts are becoming used to the pulsing, throbbing sensations she increases the power, sometimes a little, sometimes in leaps that make your back arch as far as the bonds allow and every muscle in your body holds taught as a guitar string. She’s aware you’re close, so she backs off the electric just a little. However, she increases the delicious torment with other items and small devices that pulse and vibrate. While you smell the leather of the hood you also smell her delicious aroma and feel her presence to the left, to the right, a brush of your foot.
Without warning the e-stim laps high, you can tell she’s enjoying every minute as your body tenses again, your cock feels it must explode as by now you are lying in a pool of perspiration. Between the multiple series of intense arousal your desire to leave your skin, leap from the table, throw your Mistress on her back and make mad passionate love to her enters your mind. Yet: The deep felt feeling that you entirely restricted and are hers to do with as she pleases, while she torments your entire being, is so intoxicating that you would never so much as touch her without permission.
As the torment increases to a crescendo and time is of no consequence your desire for release is overwhelming and yet, within, you wish for this intoxicating torment to last for hours, days, weeks.
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