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Taking a break…

By MistressLolaRuin | December 12, 2017

Hello all,

Yesterday, I made the announcement on twitter that I am going to be taking a step back from My work (you can read My annoucement in full here). Whilst I usually use twitter for shameless self-promotion, I have in the past been very open on My blog, and so this seems a fitting place to expand on My decision.

As it stands, I currently have 2 custom clip orders left to fulfil, and one final session lined up this weekend with one of My long serving and favourite submissives, who is always such a pleasure to play with. After that, I’ll be taking a step back. I will not be accepting any sessions, streaming any webcam shows or filming at all.

I really hesitated over whether to post the reasons for My break publicly, but I believe mental health is something which touches every single one of us, if not directly then through those we are closest to. It doesn’t discriminate, and the damaging and silencing stigma helps no one, only isolating people who suffer further. I’m also starting to realise that talking about it can also be healing. At the same time, I recognise how privileged I am to be able to be so open.

The short version of a much longer story is that the last few years have been incredibly difficult for Me. I powered through, very much with a ‘keep calm and carry on’ attitude. Whilst this allowed Me to get through some tough times, it also means I haven’t spent any time really processing the events of My life that have lead Me to where I am now.

I promised Myself that 2017 would be better, and in some ways, it has been one of the best years of My life. I spent every spare penny I had travelling, and ticked three new places off My (very long) travel wishlist. Whilst I had an incredible time, and travelling is a real passion, I also think this was another form of escapism. More recently, I’ve gone through some intense self-reflection and growth.

I realise now that I am struggling with depression. Over the past few weeks, this has worsened beyond what I feel I am able to cope with whilst working. Some days I feel fine, and others it takes all My energy and motivation to get up, get dressed, and go out. Sometimes I don’t have the energy to even do that. Add to that the pressure of a demanding career whereby I must project the image of a ‘perfect Goddess’, and it is just too much. On the days when I can barely muster the motivation to put My make-up on, how can I realistically live up to that fantasy?

I know it is the right choice to take some time away from the pressures of being a self-employed Domme (of which, there are many) to focus on finding some inner peace again. My work has always been a source of such happiness for Me, and the fact that I am finding it so difficult right now is a symptom of My depression, and a sign that I need to take a break. I know that removing all the pressure of My work from My life will allow Me some breathing space. Constantly worrying that I am not working to the standard I know I am capable of, and that I am letting My subs down, is a worry I don’t currently need in My life.

I am hopeful that after a month or two of focusing on Myself, I will be well enough to return in January/February 2018. In My down time, I plan on filling My days with all the things that make Me feel present and alive. I’m going to reflect, read, volunteer, meditate, do yoga and spend time with my pets, family and friends. I’m also seeking professional help and support. I hope I can balance allowing Myself to feel sad about what has happened alongside finding peace moving forward. It’s a process, and whilst I trust that I will eventually get there, some days are harder than others.

When I made My original post on twitter, I also hoped it might just resonate with others also going through a hard time. Judging from the responses I have had, from people both reaching out and opening up to Me, I know I have made the right decision. It has been both overwhelming and comforting reading them. I also think that talking openly about this stuff is especially important around this time of year too. Christmas is an incredibly difficult time for a lot of people. The cheerfulness and family-orientated, loved-up season can make those who already feel isolated feel even more so.

To anyone who see’s themselves in what I have written, please know that you are not alone in how you feel. There are countless other people, Myself included, who know exactly what you are going through. Know that there are options if you need help, and you should never feel ashamed in seeking them out. Please consider seeing your GP. I also highly recommend PinkTherapy, which is full of sex-positive, kink-positive counsellors (I can honestly say that seeking therapy is one of the best decisions I have ever made for Myself). And of course, you can speak to the Samaritans on their 24/7 helpline by calling 116 123.

If you want to get in touch with Me personally about what I have written, you are welcome to do so either over on twitter or by emailing Me at mistresslolaruin@hotmail.com. I will soon be putting an automatic reply on My emails, and will only be checking them and twitter periodically, but I will try to respond if I can/feel able to.

Thank you so much to every single person who has sent such kind, supportive and wonderful messages in response to My original twitter announcement. At a time when I feel so low, it has helped more than I can put into words.

I’m wishing you all a lovely Christmas and New Year, and very much looking forward to feeling better and seeing you all again in 2018.

Until next time,

Mistress Lola
x

P.S.

If you did wish to support Me personally during My time away, the best way to do so is to buy some of My content from either My Clips4Sale or IWantClips stores. There’s also an option on both to just send a standard cash tribute if you wish to. I am not in the habit of begging, but Domming is My only form of income. Any money you spend or send will really help to tide Me over until My return, and would be hugely appreciated. Thank you.


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Applying to Serve…

By MistressLolaRuin | December 4, 2017

Hello all,

As promised, today’s blog entry is full of tips on how to make a successful application to serve Me (littered with a little eye candy for those of you who just come here to perv).

Here is a little snapshot of My application form.

Right click ‘Open Image In New Tab’ to see more clearly the questions and instructions.

A fair few of the questions I ask (such as ‘Name’, ‘Email’ and ‘How much are you able to be marked?’) are pretty self-explanatory. So today, I am going to give some tips on how to fill out the other fields, with some examples of a ‘bad answer’ alongside a ‘good answer’.

  • Describe your Ideal Session Activities and any Hard Limits

You don’t need to write Me a dissertation, but the more detailed you can be in this section the better. This is My opportunity to see exactly how compatible W/we are. If you’re an experienced player, list your favourite fetishes or specific scenarios which have blown you away in the past. If you’re a novice, tell Me what turns you on most when you’re watching fetish films. Refer to My fetishes page, or to any of My clips you have seen, loved, and wish to recreate. If you have any hard limits, be sure to include them too.

Bad Answer: Lot’s of strap on, plus whatever you want Mistress. No hard limits. 

Asking for something I don’t offer (listed as being a ‘limit’ in the section you wrote this in) and/or telling Me ‘whatever I want’ is a sure fire way to get ignored. It gives Me no indication as to what you are like or whether W/we would have fun. It doesn’t even give Me enough information to make a recommendation to a Mistress more suited to you.

Good Answer: I am relatively new to the scene, however I have previously tried orgasm control/denial and chastity with my ex girlfriend and very much enjoyed it! I see your speciality is ‘ruined orgasms’ and would very much love to experience this under your expert guidance. Everything under the ‘Training’ section on your fetishes page appeals to me and I would love to explore this more too. Unfortunately I have a low pain threshold and would prefer only mild marking, and so needles, electrics, caning and so on I feel these may all be too intense for me. 

I would be immediately impressed with an application including something like this. Clear, concise, showing that you’re read My website and are aware of My likes. I very often read through My applications just before conducting a session, and this gives Me a fantastic run down of what I can and cannot explore during O/our play.

  • Preferred date, start time and duration (1 hour minimum)

You would think this would be an easy question, but unfortunately this probably causes Me more headaches than all the others combined! My availability is cleared outlined in this section. This is also alongside a note that I need 24 hours notice for all My sessions. Whilst I don’t always need something as specific as ‘Monday 4th December at 13.00 for 2 hours’, I do need some idea of your schedule so I can make sure it aligns with Mine.

Bad answer: Today, anytime. 30 minutes.
Bad answer: Friday. 7pm. 3 hours.

Both of these ignore My availability completely. The first, asking for a same day booking for less than My minimum session time, would likely not get a response at all. The second one might, depending upon the rest of the application. However, My response would mostly be Me detailing My (already clear) availability, which just seems a waste of time for all involved. I am not a fan of unnecessary email ping pong!

Good answer: Monday or Tuesday evenings around 18.00, for 1.5 hours. 
Good answer: Your next available Saturday, ideally around 13.00 for 2 hours. Please let Me know when you are free along with deposit details. 

As would an answer requesting a specific date/time when I am clearly available, both of these would also get a response. Applications which show flexibility, or acknowledge they are asking for a time I am unavailable and are able to pay a deposit, make My life and scheduling much easier (and your application far more likely to be successful!)

  • Outfit Request?

A fairly simple question, but I unfortunately very frequently get…

Bad answer: Nude

It states in the form, and in numerous other parts of My website, I don’t offer this. I wouldn’t respond to this application.

Good answer: I love latex, especially latex stockings.
Good answer: Anything you like, your gallery suggests I could not be disappointed!

Taking the opportunity to reveal your predilection for a certain form of clothing is most welcome. And flattery never goes unnoticed 😉

  • Do you have any other questions/requests/disclosures?

This is your chance to either tell Me anything you think I should know, or ask something you haven’t been able to find on My website. More often than not, this is filled with questions I’ve already answered in My FAQ’s. At the very least, taking a minute to browse over these is really helpful before submitting an application, especially if you do not have time to read through My entire website.

Bad answer: Where are you based? Is there parking?

Already answered in My FAQs.

Good answer: I would love for another Domme to join us for this session, if possible could you please enquire at the chambers to see who is available?
Good answer: I had surgery around 2 years ago and so sometimes have problems with my right knee. If possible I would like to not spend much time on my knees/crawling as a result. 

Either asking for more information specific to your session, or making Me aware of something that could impact upon your enjoyment, is perfect to include in this section. It’s also equally fine to leave this section blank if you have nothing you want to ask or tell.

Lastly, the final tip I can give you with regards to making a successful application… wait patiently for a response. If you haven’t received a reply within 3 working days you can assume that you have been unsuccessful. If that is the case, you are welcome to respectfully apply again in the future. However, harassing Me is a sure fire way not only to be ignored but to be blacklisted completely. I cannot stress this enough. Even if your application was otherwise perfect, if you then emailed Me everyday asking if I have received it and when am I going to reply, you will be ignored. Part of being a respectful submissive is understanding that you are not entitled to a session with Me.

So, now you’ve learned how to make a great first impression, go ahead and send your application… 🙂

Slave Application Form

Until next time…

Mistress Lola
x


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Availability and Slave Selection…

By MistressLolaRuin | November 27, 2017

Hello all,

As I mentioned in a previous blog, I have recently been taking the time to pursue something of a passion project outside of the dungeon. Alongside filming, this is now swallowing much of My time. I feel the need to really streamline My sessions going forward. My hope this will make things easier for both Myself and any prospective slaves. As such, I am now only available for sessions on…

Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, from 12.00 until 21.30. 

I have decided to make Myself available to play until later on the days I am free. I am no longer available on Thursdays or Fridays, however if you are a known slave, I may be able to make an exception. As always, loyal slaves get special treatment 😉

It is also worth mentioning that now as My time is becoming more precious, I am also going to become more selective about who I share it with.

I have always been fairly fussy about who I allow to serve Me. I’ve taken incredibly popular fetishes off My website years ago, because having fun has always been more important than money. My philosophy has always been that My job should never feel like work to Me. I am incredibly privileged to have such control over My sessions.

Financially speaking, if I wanted to retire completely from sessions today, I could… but, I adore sessioning and have no desire to retire just yet. Nothing beats the rush I get when a willing slave is prostrated at My feet. However, I am now at a point where I can really cherry pick who I spend time with. Sessions are simply a bonus for Me these days.

I am of the opinion that such cherry picking is far better for slaves too. If you are granted the privilege of serving Me, you know it’s because I believe W/we are highly compatible. I will have just as much (probably more!) fun than you. I’m not doing it because I have rent that needs paying.

You also know that if you aren’t granted a session with Me, you have the opportunity to find a Mistress better suited to you (I often make recommendations). Sessions with an incompatible Mistress tend to be lack-lustre for both parties. You won’t be paying an inordinate tribute amount for Me to act and pretend I’m enjoying it.

It’s a win-win.

My website has now been updated to reflect this, and I will be writing a future blog post on how to make a successful application to serve Me soon.

Until next time…

Mistress Lola
x


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London Tour 2017

By MistressLolaRuin | November 20, 2017

Hello all,

I am sure many of My fans in London will be delighted to hear I will finally be gracing the capital with My divine presence on…

Friday 15th until Monday 18th December

As always, spaces for sessions are very limited. This is a mostly social trip, and so your best bet would be to send a fantastic, respectful application and be flexible about when you can see Me.

I am going to be available for the following…

  • Incalls at a fully equipped dungeon
  • Outcalls to hotels or homes
  • Dinner or shopping trips (charged at My ‘social’ rate)

I love social meetings with My submissives, and find dinner dates with an adoring fan easy to slot into My schedule. So, if you like the idea of treating a dominant Goddess such as Myself to afternoon tea, be sure to apply.

As with My last visit, I also have a close vanilla friend who loves seeing Me at work/play. If you like exhibitionism, then she is available to watch U/us for an extra tribute. She may even join in a little, dependant upon the activity (and your consent, of course).

I will not be bringing My camera, and will not be filming any sessions during My visit.

Be sure to specify what kind of session you would like (incall/outcall/social/voyeur) and confirm London as the location when you apply.

I am very much looking forward to playing with some of you soon!

Until next time…

Mistress Lola
x


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My Birthday and Bali…

By MistressLolaRuin | November 13, 2017

Hello all,

Firstly, thank you to all who sent birthday gifts and wishes to Me last month. I had a wonderful birthday celebrating at a kinky party (where else?!).

I also thought today I would give you a little peak into My holiday to Bali last month. I know My most loyal slaves like to see what I get up to outside the four chamber walls. I spent two glorious weeks exploring the island, zipping around on the back of a scooter and living like a queen alongside My sister.

A petal flower bath, after one of My (many) massages…

 

A trip to Tanah Lot at sunset

 

A snap of one of the aerial yoga classes I took at My retreat

My final stop en route to the airport was a trip to a turtle sanctuary, where I was able to release a baby turtle into the sea. Those of you who know how much of an animal lover I am will appreciate how much I loved this…

Since getting back I have sadly been somewhat under the weather, but slowly getting better and settling back into filming and sessions. I have lots of lost time and fun to make up for!

I will soon be posting some important announcements with regards to an upcoming London tour and a change in My availability, so keep your eyes peeled.

Until next time…

Mistress Lola
x


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